Yep, while we are living out the same days, same routines, or slipping into the abyss of routine-less-ness (taking some liberties here friends) our inner worlds are undergoing a tectonic plate shifting kind of upheaval, gradual and massive. The emotions keep churning, even though we are doing our very best to outsmart them. I myself have joked that 2020 feels like a kind of like Ayahuasca healing, which NO, I have not done, but there’s a lot of magical visions and throwing up word has it, which sounds about right to me as metaphors go.
I KNOW we are healing. However messy, overwhelming or underwhelming that might feel for us, and possibly all in a five minute pendulum swing. Something that we have been needing help with, is being helped, because we are all a bit raw right now, and a bit more open. Praise the sunshine.
I have been talking this all through with you all, and we have discovered some interesting truths. Like the jar of rocks theory of relationships; the big ones are your primary close people, the pebbles are you extended circle, and the sand is everyone else. You told me it was important to focus on the big rocks, and we came to the realization that for many of us, we are all in quarantine with only our big rocks, and that is a lot of pressure on those rocks! I for one have moments where I just want to stand in a sweaty crowd, or have drunk strangers tripping into me and spilling a little beer on my personal belongings. Oh the sweet nostalgia.
It turns out that death is serious business for the living. And we have had some talks about that whole business; cultures that avoid death like the plague (I know) stepping over cracks and toting pockets full of amulets to ward off the evil eye. About nursing homes and who wants to wind up their glory years stooped over some cold porridge that it takes a team of nurses to help you negotiate.
We have talked about “FINE” a catch all word that now means “I’m not in ICU, nor is someone close to me, and I still have groceries”. That’s a lot of pressure on a word and a lot of pressure on us. You know what, your feelings matter. They matter to me. Your perspective maters. It matters to me. Your plans matter, and your fears matter, and your teeny tiny itty bitty hamster sized concerns matter to me. And your BIG ass really tough, I want my mommy challenges matter so so much to me.
We have talked about love. Should you, would you, could you? What we are learning about ourselves that is going to allow us to LOVE, and do it bigger, better and badder than we thought we were capable of.
In this time of RULES and heroes, shout out to everyone everywhere who has made me laugh, or with whom I have shared a laugh. And you friends, make me laugh all of the time. You are my heroes. Thank you for laughing with me. Let us take more time for laughing, and less time taking ourselves so seriously. Which doesn’t mean don’t feel, it means DON’T PUT SO MUCH PRESSURE ON YOU. Let yourself be lifted up. It’s okay to make your mistakes, to not have your answers, to just let go of all of the control for a while and float. You’re not going to head in the wrong direction. I’ve got you. And so does almighty LOVE.
I just want you to have that reassurance today. I am asking you to do me a favour, and the world a favour, and humanity a favour and just give me one of your burdens. Send it in an email; a word or a line or a page if you want. Write it down and I’m going to take them all and stick ‘em in a bowl and douse ‘em with some Eye of Newt and red wine, and then light them on fire. I’ll do it on video (don’t worry I’ll keep you anonymous) and I’ll send it out so we can all share in the sweet release of TRUSTING. Each other.
I’ve been doing this thing. I’ve been trying to smile at someone and look them in they eyes, to share some warmth that is bigger than “We need to be scared of each other”. If I can hug you with a look, if I can give you some comfort and some light, it’s a good day. And right now, I am looking at you, I am smiling at you. Give me some sugar, I am your neighbour! In each other’s hearts, we are safe.
— Love Erin
P.S. You’ve been asking me how to get your friends and loved ones the help I’ve been able to give you. We can do that. Contact me and we’ll talk details.
P.P.S. One of the kindest things you can do for me is to share my writing. If you enjoyed today’s Monday Musing and know someone else who would please forward it to a friend.